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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

March 18, 2009

So today I went to work, I do in home care for the elderly. Anyway, he didn't need any housekeeping, or anything like that so we spent an hour and a half playing checkers. I feel creepy getting payed to play games.

A lady from church and I have come up with a fun swap. I am giving her daughter lessons in playing the clarinet, of which I am pretty good at, I played in school from 6-2 grade, plus in 11-12 I was in the All-State honors band. Then I played for 3 years in college, concert band and marching band. Plus I played in the Gem County community band for 2 years. So 11 years of experience. Anyway, she is teaching ME how to quilt. So last thursday she showed me this wonderful thing called a rotary cutter. I need one, it is on my wish list for my birthday now. I have cut out a whole bunch of squares. Tomorrow she will show me how to sew them together. It would be nice if I had my sewing machine, but I will just have to go use hers until I get mine back from Idaho. Hopefully this summer.

What else, oh yeah. The same friend from church went to a stampin up party with me on Sunday. The people get together every month at a different person's house and whoever is hosting gets the hostess benefits, maybe I can get that paper cutter I have been wanting. The only problem is that they do it on Sunday, but it is so much fun that we both decided to put our names on the list. We are meeting at my house next month. The third sunday in April. I am not sure of the date. sigh, I know I wrote it down somewhere.

Well, hopefully this recap catches me up for the week. Next time I won't wait 11 days to post.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Letter from ADHD son

I found this online today, and I think it says a lot about the way my son behaves and acts. I am posting it here today so I will be able to come back and read it when he is really driving me crazy.

Dear Mom and Dad:
I have Attention Deficit Disorder. It's something to do with the executive functioning in the brain's frontal lobes. I'm like a factory without a CEO. It feels that way sometimes - like no one's in charge and I'm out of control.
When I was little, I was so hyper you called me "the mother killer." I'm sorry I gave you a hard time, but it wasn't my fault. You took a lot of grief for having a brat, but my ADHD was behind it. I didn't mean to run away, smack other kids, jump in the pool with my clothes on and do all the other stuff I did. Stuff that made you unhappy.
That's why I am writing this. I want you to understand how ADHD feels and why I can't control myself.
My ADHD means that I am easily distracted by things. I can sit in a movie like everyone else, but the man crunching popcorn next to me will bother me the entire picture. When I'm in class, I can't concentrate on the teacher because I'm too aware of the kid who's sharpening a pencil or the construction workers outside my class window. I'm no good at concentrating. Everything pulls my attention toward it - even if it's just for a few seconds. It takes a sonic boom to distract you. But EVERY LITTLE THING distracts me.
My ADHD means I'm impulsive. The popcorn man is ruining the movie for me so I may suddenly smack him. I may tell the boy who's sharpening his pencil to stop making so much noise. Then I'm in trouble for hitting the popcorn guy and yelling out loud in class. I'm always in trouble and making you look bad.
My ADHD means my sense of time is no good. Tomorrow may as well be twenty years from now. I don't think long-term. When my teacher says that this homework is due on Friday and Friday's five days away, I don't care. Five days is forever. Then when Friday comes, I'm dead where I stand because I haven't even started doing the work. When someone tells me that drinking will fry your liver twenty years from now, I don't care. I only care about how good that drink tastes in the moment and that it makes me feel less hyper and depressed. I know it's hard for you to understand, because you have day-timers and appointment books and Blackberries. Try to understand that I can't plan ahead - not even two hours from now. I can't even learn to plan ahead unless you teach me how to.
My ADHD means my sense of judgment is not only off, it's missing. Again, no executive function. I've heard of ADHD kids who die in extreme sports or one ADHD kid who jumped in a lake on a dare and ended up in a wheelchair because the water was only two feet deep. You need to know that I'd probably do the same thing. I'll take any dare offered. I don't see the risks involved because I live in the moment. I just think how cool it would be to jump in that lake and have everyone admire me.
I was lost in school by second grade. For one thing, school was always incredibly boring to me. I know my sister loves it, but I don't. For one thing, half the time they give us tasks I don't understand - like "write a term paper." I don't get how to go to the library, look up stuff, and take notes. If they would break it into small steps, I could do it, but they don't. They just say, "Write a term paper." Everyone else understands how to write a term paper or make a pie chart or whatever. I'm not stupid, but I just can't organize things. That's why I really started flunking out in middle school. I can't organize the work from one teacher, much less five teachers.
I wish they would not keep reminding me how high my IQ is and how I'm not applying myself. Most boys with ADHD have language-based learning disorders. We are not slow learners or dumb - -it's just that the words on the page jump around and we have trouble focusing our eyes on that stupid little print. I can't read very fast and I hate writing. I fail because school is all about reading. I know that there are computer programs and high-tech stuff to help ADHD kids, but they don't have them at my school.
I know you hate the kids I go around with, but they are the only ones who like me. The cool smart kids don't like me because I have a wicked mouth and don't know when to shut up. Also I don't get good grades. They're all worried about college and careers and stuff, but I can't think that far ahead. I don't have any goals and I wouldn't know how to set them.
I spend a lot of time playing video games. Like drinking, they calm me down. I get in the zone when I play X-Box because there's so much going on: shooting, characters, colors, quick reactions. The games work as fast as my brain, but when I stop, I get even more irritable. I know I act worse after I've been at them at day. It would be better if I would only be allowed to play them a few hours a day, but I guess you get welcome relief when I'm in that zone.
My favorite shirt says "NO BOUNDARIES." I can be really hostile to any limits you set. But I've heard that kids like me do better with regular hours for stuff. Like you wake up at a certain time, eat breakfast, and know exactly what's happening every hour. I know that would calm me down. That would take away a lot of anxiety I have inside me that everything is out of control. I also know I feel less jumpy when I get more exercise, but I usually don't bother. I just drift from one thing to another.
Sometimes I think no one likes me and that even you guys are sick of me. I know you wish I was more like my sister, Little Miss Perfect. If I give her a hard time, it's because I'm jealous. If you add up all the times she got yelled at since she was born, it would be less than five minutes. For me, I've been yelled at for whole years and lifetimes. I hate the way you yell so much and I really love you guys even if I don't show it. I wish I didn't have ADHD and I'm sorry I give you a hard time. I am trying hard all the time but it feels like I never get any pay-off no matter how hard I try. Trying really hard only moves me toward normal, it does not make me normal.
Well, this is my letter anyway. Maybe you understand ADHD a little better now. I love you.
Your Son

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Feeling kind of productive

So today I decided to try to make my own bread crumbs. I know, it sounds kind of silly, but I usually buy bread crumbs at the grocery store, and they cost almost $5. So I took the ends of the bread, the ones no one eats. I had about 8 of them in a bag, I was saving them because I knew I would think of something to do with them.

So then I buttered the bread and sprinkled them with garlic powder and parmesan cheese. I probably could have used real garlic, but I wanted to be able to store them, so I used powder.

Then I broiled that side until it was well toasted, turned off the broiler and turned the toast over, then left it in the oven while I went about my business.

After lunch, I broke the pieces up small enough to fit into my salad shooter, then I "shootered" them into a bowl. I ended up getting about 3 cups worth of bread crumbs.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Trying to rearrange the schedule

Well, most of you know that Skipp was laid off a few weeks ago, and, once again, just as the savings were running out, he got another job. I am pretty sure that it happens that way because he is so sure he can find a job that he doesn't ask Heavenly Father for assistance until I tell him that we can live for about one more week on what we have left in the bank, and then he panics and prays, and then something comes along.

So anyway, Skipp started on Monday. I am trying to work out a schedule that gets Skipp off to work every morning, lets Aaron get his homeschooling done in the morning, so I can work from 1-3, (yes, I have a part time job, but I only work 2 hours at a time, so my almost 12 year old watches his sisters while I am gone (with strict rules) and gets paid for his efforts.) and then come home and make dinner so it is ready when Skipp gets home at 5:30, eat, bathe the kids, get teeth brushed and kids in bed by 8 so Skipp and I can have a couple of hours together before bed...breathe...and somewhere in there I still have to do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc.

The kids don't like changes to their routine, especially my boy with ADHD, so this week has been a challenge. I know that eventually it will all work itself into a routine, but I may have to pull all of my hair out first.

In the meantime, I am kind of letting the kids slide in the chore and schoolwork department.

Oh, by the way, Chianna's face is almost completely healed of her scabs, and I don't think it will even scar. YAY!